Life hacks are not a thing

I read an article this week about small changes to make to your daily life in order to care for your health and wellbeing.

And I, like everyone else, am a sucker for a cheat sheet on how to be healthy without actually having to you know like move or eat well.

So Life Hack number 1.

It started well.

You only had to have a spare 3 minutes and I am sure everyone can deduct 3 precious minutes from their allotted time for swiping through meaningless social media posts about Kelly’s cat who has been missing for 5 minutes and Carol’s latest Transformation Tuesday post on her new diet (I am beginning to feel like there are too many Tuesdays in a week.)

So 3 minutes of…. relaxing to rain sounds…

For one, if anyone should happen to ask you what music you are listening to and you have to explain to them you are listening to rain sounds to relax, you will undoubtedly sound like a new age freak / pompous arse (*warning you may lose friends*).

And secondly I don’t know about anyone else but hearing rain is quickly followed by an urgent need to find a bathroom stat which is not relaxing, in fact quite the opposite.

Life Hack number 2 – if you have 10 minutes, try scent therapy.

Oh sure don’t mind me whilst I get out my potions, lotions and incense sticks out on the bus during this appropriately timed 10 minute journey. (Again with the new age rubbish).

Life Hack number 3 – if you have 20 minutes, eat exactly what you fancy.

Uh I kind of feel like this is the opposite to being healthy and taking care of myself, as I am pretty sure in  20 minutes I could devour three cheeseburgers, a pizza, 2 bags of crisps, a doughnut and a diet coke (got to watch that waist line).

So besides Life Hack number 3 – aka not a healthy life hack, a morbid obesity life hack – I’m beginning to think these tips are for people who stay at home and have the extra time to download rain sounds and visit an aromatherapy shop.

If so why are these stay-at-homers so unrelaxed?

Did they not have the right coloured cotton sheets at John Lewis?

Did someone else take the last French baguette at Waitrose?

Awh diddums, try working a 45 hour week to take your mind off it.

Do you know what I mean?

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